"And how far is halfway there?
I didn't see you on the trail
Did almost become good enough?
Should a good life be so hard won?"
I didn't see you on the trail
Did almost become good enough?
Should a good life be so hard won?"
I just filed our taxes. Having settled Dad's estate, tax-wise, last year, our taxes are finally simple enough that I can do them online and file them without having to go endure H&R Block for hours. And I do mean "hours". They once took about 3 1/2 hours to figure it all out, and I didn't think it was all that complicated to begin with.
Tomorrow a nurse will be coming to my house to weigh me and take my blood and urine as part of a my setting up a life insurance plan.
It's true what they say: ... death and taxes.
For about a month leading up to today I've been wanting to write. I've been expecting to write. I thought about writing on the anniversary of my father's death. But despite my desire to sit here and wax poetic, I've not really much I wanted to say, then, now, or in the month between. I do miss my father. Some days - not often, but now and then - there's a moment when it dawns on my still like a surprise: "oh yeah... no more Dad." I'm not sure when that stops. The (physical) non-existence of my mother in my life cemented in my head a long time ago. I don't have those "Oh" moments for her any more.
I've been reflecting on my own health and mortality a fair bit. This hasn't come about for particular personal reasons. I haven't lost anyone close recently or had any health scares. But I've been to a few funerals in support of friends and family, and I've come to the conclusion that the last half of my life - and I do hope at 43 I have approached the half-way point and not gone well past it - will include a lot more wakes and funerals.
At a funeral a little over a week ago, I endured 55 minutes of preaching and hymns to balance the 5 minutes of eulogy. (Dear church-going friends: Seriously? That's fucked up. Seriously. Someone dies and the church still wants to own 92% of your grief?) But as I tuned out the priest as he was pretending to have known the departed and drawing parallels to an old testament prophet, it afforded me a lot of time to think, and naturally, given the atmosphere, it was about death. I wondered who among the circle of my closest friends would be the first to die, and how I might eulogize them if it came to it. Given variances in age and health, I expect I'll outlive some but not all of them. I will be heartbroken when the day arrives that I have to bury one. I hope they'll be heartbroken the day they bury me.
(And yes, living inside this analytical brain is sometimes rather unpleasant.)
It's sad, contemplating the mortality of yourself and your loved ones. But, to quote The Shawshank Redemption: "Get busy living, or get busy dying."
So in the meantime, I've still half a lifetime to get busy with. I've been playing a lot more board games with Liza-Ann lately, who has taken to Ticket to Ride. I hope the trend of us playing more board games continues; I very much enjoy it. I hope to play more with friends as well. It's a simple and cheap activity that supports conversation both on and off topic. I'm 31 days from heading to Ottawa for this year's Nerdfest and to see Geoff and Krista's new home. Later, in August, we'll be traveling Ontario for vacation as well, where I'll once again get to visit with my friends living there.
I've also been running a 5th edition D&D campaign since the fall, and I'd like to think (IMHO) that it's the best campaign I've ever put off. A part of me would also like to not think that, because it doesn't involve all my closest friends, and it's nice to wax nostalgic about the great Al-Qadim campaign of many moons ago. But I have to think the best in me - my most clever, my most creative - is still in the years ahead, a counter-balance to the way one's health wanes as they age.
So maybe only death and taxes are guaranteed. Sure. The rest - the fun, the friends, the memories - these we work at. These we manufacture for ourselves.
If you'll all excuse me, I'm going to run some errands and visit my sister for a cup of tea.
"Have you got a car?
Somewhere to sleep?
Someone who loves you?
Something to eat?
I would say you're doing better than most"
Somewhere to sleep?
Someone who loves you?
Something to eat?
I would say you're doing better than most"
