"Two sleepy people by dawn's early light
And too much in love to say goodnight"
Ten years is a long time. 3652 days. That's a lot of going to bed at night and getting up in the morning. That's almost a quarter of my life. That's almost half my adult life.
And back when that ten years began, the longest relationship I'd ever had weighed in at however many years (and the second and third longest at such and such and the rest I considered statistically insignificant regarding duration). Her longest was much longer, and so I'd pass my milestone sooner. This relationship becoming my "longest relationship ever" was a very long time ago. It came and went without notice, as measurement was not precise enough to set a date.
And back when that ten years began, the longest relationship I'd ever had weighed in at however many years (and the second and third longest at such and such and the rest I considered statistically insignificant regarding duration). Her longest was much longer, and so I'd pass my milestone sooner. This relationship becoming my "longest relationship ever" was a very long time ago. It came and went without notice, as measurement was not precise enough to set a date.
I do this with life events all the time. I have a mathematical mind. It measures and analyzes and schemes. Such and such a thing happened X time ago, and I'm Y years old and that's Z% of my life ago. It's how my brain is wired. It's a part of who I am.
Our first date was at Pasta Plus on Duckworth Street. It was May 19th, 2005. It was a Thursday evening. We talked and talked and talked longer than either of us had expected or intended. I saw her to her door on Pennywell Road. I scored a kiss goodnight, and floated around the corner to Freshwater.
We didn't wait whatever the supposed requisite time was before contacting each other for another outing, or another. Staying up all night talking became habitual for a while. Neither of us ever wanted to say good night. I think she had to function at work on only 3 or 4 hours sleep for a few weeks before we came back to something more normal.
We got up before the dawn one night to drive to Signal Hill and watch the sun come up.
I remember a funny incident where, a couple of weeks in, we bumped into someone she knew when walking down Pennywell Road and she introduced me as "my good friend Pat", because she wasn't quite sure yet what to call me. That led to a conversation and after that it was decided.
We got up before the dawn one night to drive to Signal Hill and watch the sun come up.
I remember a funny incident where, a couple of weeks in, we bumped into someone she knew when walking down Pennywell Road and she introduced me as "my good friend Pat", because she wasn't quite sure yet what to call me. That led to a conversation and after that it was decided.
And so "the rest", as they say, "is history".
In ten years we've only ever had one real argument I'd term a "fight", though we've had many spirited debates along the way. I think they generally grow fewer with each passing year as we get to know each other even better and understand the other's position without having to ask.
I hear other people talk about lasting relationships and use words like "sacrifice" and "compromise", but I can honestly say I don't feel that way at all. "Reasonability" is the word I'd prefer to use, because I think it's the one that most applies. And in terms of describing the relationship, I really like the word "partnership". The word "marriage" - embattled in modern times - carries with it so much stigma as to what it is or what it isn't. To me a good relationship is cooperation and not simply cohabitation. We have that.
And I think about it being ten years, and it somehow doesn't seem remarkable. It seems... expected. Because at some point, some unknown time long ago, I stopped wondering how long it would last and plainly started assuming it would be forever, and in that context, counting years is like counting individual drops of water in a large glass.
And we're able to be happy, alone and together, because we give each other space, respect, and compassion. We provide each other with all the help we can, but we recognize that for each of us our happiness is our own responsibility. And we're able to provide that help because we know each other so well.
Few people know me like she does.
At the camper on Saturday, I looked on as she sized and cut a piece of mactac. My mind immediately leapt, as it always does, to wondering if there was a more efficient solution to the measure and cut process, something that would make it easier or simpler for her. After a mere second of silence, without bothering to even look, she simply said "stop". I smiled and said "ok".
In ten years we've only ever had one real argument I'd term a "fight", though we've had many spirited debates along the way. I think they generally grow fewer with each passing year as we get to know each other even better and understand the other's position without having to ask.
I hear other people talk about lasting relationships and use words like "sacrifice" and "compromise", but I can honestly say I don't feel that way at all. "Reasonability" is the word I'd prefer to use, because I think it's the one that most applies. And in terms of describing the relationship, I really like the word "partnership". The word "marriage" - embattled in modern times - carries with it so much stigma as to what it is or what it isn't. To me a good relationship is cooperation and not simply cohabitation. We have that.
And I think about it being ten years, and it somehow doesn't seem remarkable. It seems... expected. Because at some point, some unknown time long ago, I stopped wondering how long it would last and plainly started assuming it would be forever, and in that context, counting years is like counting individual drops of water in a large glass.
And we're able to be happy, alone and together, because we give each other space, respect, and compassion. We provide each other with all the help we can, but we recognize that for each of us our happiness is our own responsibility. And we're able to provide that help because we know each other so well.
Few people know me like she does.
At the camper on Saturday, I looked on as she sized and cut a piece of mactac. My mind immediately leapt, as it always does, to wondering if there was a more efficient solution to the measure and cut process, something that would make it easier or simpler for her. After a mere second of silence, without bothering to even look, she simply said "stop". I smiled and said "ok".
"I believe
And I believe cause I can see
Our future days
Days of you and me"
And I believe cause I can see
Our future days
Days of you and me"
